CONSEQUENCES DIALOGUES
( WRITTEN IN COLLABORATION WITHOUT KNOWING THE CONTEXT )
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Berlusconi und Jean-Jacques de Schabernack, der Hofnarr der Queen, saßen zusammen im Auto in Richtung Berlin. „Ich will dich, aber ich brauche dich nicht.“ sagte Berlusconi. „Wir kommen in Schwierigkeiten, wenn wir selbst blöd sind.“ sagte Jean-Jacques in seinem französischen Akzent und setzte hinzu: „Was ist die Grundregel im Überlebenskampf?“ – „Drück einfach den roten Knopf und guck was passiert.“ antwortete Berlusconi selbstsicher. Jean-Jacques kämpfte mit seinen Gefühlen. „Ich liebe ihn nicht! Ich liebe ihn nicht! Ich liebe ihn nicht! Ich liebe ihn nicht!“ ermahnte er sich in Gedanken. Sie schrien: „Was zur Hölle wollt ihr Schleicher von uns?“, dann segelten sie landauswärts, ihr Ziel war der Horizont.
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Jupp from the Späti met Karl Lagerfeld on his recent journey to Lenins Mausoleum. „Mmh... McDonalds or Burger King?“ Jupp asked and Karl asked in reply: „When will I get chocolate rabbits? Christmas sucks! And what is that smell?“ – „Not that bad! It will come new!“ exclaimed Jupp while Karl was asking himself: „Is Bayern playing against Dormund today?“ Together they shouted: „Put your hands up in the air!“ Forever they should remember this moment. Finally they had understood...
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Godot met Marlene Dietrich in the pharmacy. Godot said: „When I look at you I'm reminded of the worst meal I ever ate.“ Marlene replied: „I'm so hungry, I have to eat them!“ and asked. „Why did you leave me for your mother?“ – „I am your father“ Godot answered. Marlene wondered: „I believe in god, why shouldn't I believe you?“ They both shouted unisono: „Yeah!“ Then Godot smacked Marlene in the face and ran away laughing, only to trip and fall first in a pile of dog shit.
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Der Barkeeper traf auf Trotzki in einer Eisdiele und sagte: „Scheiß Musik, ne?“ – „Ich bin so satt, als wäre ein Blumenfeld in mir mit den größten Blüten dieser Welt. Wie soll es nun weitergehen?“ fragte Trotzki. „Blaue Blumen! Nur einmal im Leben möchte ich blaue Blumen geschenkt bekommen.“, war die Antwort des Barkeepers. Trotzki dachte: „Ich wäre lieber zu Hause. Oder nichts.“ Gemeinsam riefen sie: „Es war notwendig. Wir konnten nichts anderes tun!“ Der Planet explodierte und sie verbrannten mit ihm.
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Lieselotte (an old mean granny) met David Lynch in a spilt second in a living room in Acapulco. „You're a capitalist network!“ she said and the famous director replied: „Sometimes, reality out – weird dreams.“ But the granny wasn't listening. „Sorry, I was thinking... Did you say anything?“ – „You bitch!“ the insulted Lynch shouted. Grandma Lieselotte thought to herself: „I am such a mess. Why anyone is still taking me serious is a mystery to me.“ David Lynch thought: „I will kill you!“ The ground broke beneath them and they tumbled to a hot, lavary death.
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Bushido met Herbert von und zu Schlotterstein in Copenhagen. „There's a hole in my tooth, you could fit an orange in there.“ Bushido said. „Hey, it's you, how coool! Why does everything fit so well all the time?“ asked Herbert von und zu Schlotterstein. „Aber! Aber! Aber! Aber ich liebe dich doch!“ Bushido replied. „WTF! I will get you!“ the aristocrat thought. „We're gonna write a vita!“ And... 'nothing but net'.
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Snow White met Guy Debord on the toilet at Kit Kat-Club. Snow White said: "Square wheels are rubbish." - "First respect for anybody's first time." Monsieur Debord answered and asked: "Why are your trousers poking out like that?" - "May the devil be our judge." Snow White replied. Guy Debord thought to himself: "Oh shit, this was supposed to become a pamphlet against the Sex, Drugs and Rock'n'Roll-Movement." They both shouted out loud: "I love you!" Then silence reigned.
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Lenin met Roger Rabbit in the chocolate factory one day before christmas. Lenin promised: "I can show you something if you like." The rabbit begged: "Please don't tell my mother..." Lenin asked: "Do you think there is an actual real Santa Claus?" Roger reprimanded him: "I think you should put more effort into saving the world." - "My nipples burn like coals." Lenin thought while Roger Rabbit was wondering: "Popularity for an engineer, is this possible too?" Then the artist finished the painting with a little bit of red and was very satisfied.
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Im Ordnungsamt spielten sie an diesem Tag Chill Out-Musik. Aber in Paris, im Louvre, vor der Mona Lisa, sagte die Biene Maja zu Zarathustra: "Nimm deinen Finger aus meinem Arsch!" Doch Zarathustra, wie immer etwas schwarzmalerisch, entgegnete nur: "Es wird einen Blackout geben." Die Biene Maja fragte: "Bist du fertig für die Bühne?" - "Ich habe nicht die geringste Ahnung!" erwiderte Zarathustra. "Déja-vu!" dachte die Biene und Zarathustra grübelte: "Was gibt es dazu zu denken?" Sie lebten lange und gemeinsam... und wenn sie nicht gestorben sind, dann leben sie noch heute.
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Luke Skywalker met the Ass at the bottom of the stairs on an early sunday morning. "You are a traitor if you let your children play with my cars." While the Ass, obviously high, simply replied: "Ich bin eine Blume!" Luke was enraged: "Why do you look at me like a... a pig?" - "I guess not." the Ass answered. "Que bonita!" Luke thought to himself. And the Ass thought: "I will fuck your mother." But luckily there was a 20% discount on everything (except electro goods and animal food).
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In einem Dönerladen traf der tödliche Schütze auf Clark Kent und fragte: "Was kannst du sehen?" Clark Kent antwortete: "Je länger ich lebe desto weniger bereue ich. Kannst du mir nen Fünfer leihen...?" Doch der tödliche Schütze sagte nur: "Meine Mutter hat immer gesagt: 'Kaninchen sollten nicht versuchen Rhinozeros zu spielen.'" Clark Kent sinnierte vor sich hin: "Wo ist der Moment?" Zusammen begannen sie Frank Sinatra zu singen. Die Tür öffnete sich noch einmal.
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Sigmar Gabriel und Oscar Wilde met in a yellow submarine 0,146 seconds after the big bang. "Das ist mir zu kaputt!" said the great white hope of german social democracy. "Can I stay here?" Oskar Wilde asked with a pleading voice. But Gabriel was too busy connecting the digital revolution with questions of the proletariat: "Why has the internet stolen all the bread?" Mr. Wilde didn't think so: "That's maybe your opinion." Gabriel thought to himself, suddenly understanding: "My brain is sucked out by some black hole inside of me." - Oscar Wilde thought: "How can I break through to the other side?" They cut each other one finger and cooked a soup for their parents with it.
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Luke Skywalker was in Paris once with his camera. He built a plateau, put up some lights, put the camera on top and looked at it for two hours, silenced in awe. Then he suddenly started to shout 'Look at me! Look at how amazing I am!' The object turned into a muppet dog. Luke Skwalker screamed: 'I will not touch your peee...e any more!' Afterwards the dog said to the horse: 'Cow shit is equal to the sum of the differences varying around the asshole, the center of that distant galaxy... Word up!'
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Cheech Marin met Arnold Schwarzenegger in the sauna. 'You gotta fight for your right to party!' Cheech exclaimed. But Arnold was freezing: 'It's quite cold here at the Yukon.' So Cheech asked the obvious question they both had avoided so far: 'What do you want in fucking Berlin?' leading to Arnold asking back 'Qui a coupé le fromage?' while an onlooker remarked 'I farted all day because I shaved my ass. However the day ended the headline in the next days newspaper simply was: 'A cat stands in the middle of a little stage and the lights turned off.'
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Mohammed Ali meets He-Man at the gerontogoly and says 'I love you, I don't care what you think about me.' He-Man replied: 'I prefer smoked bacon' and asked 'Why do you think I'm gay?' The former boxing champion answered: 'I will kill you and give your meat to the pigs!' - 'How spiffy!' He-Man thought to himself and together they shouted 'Who let the dogs out?' After that they got old and forgot about their revolutionary ideas.
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Marc Aurel and Banana Joe meet in the
danceclass for young fathers. Marc Aurel proclaims he can do mad shit
with drums and Banana Joe replied: 'I'd be the judge of that' and in
return asked him 'whose debacle?' Marc Aurel just simply replied:
'yes, I love it sooo, but not with you!' which led to Banana Joe
silently wondering if jelly fish are actual fish made of jelly.
Together they shouted: 'we are the champions!' As a comment on that a
star exploded, but the light would hit earth only in a couple million
years.
Mona Lisa was in a run-down abandoned
abbatoir, together with the magellan nebula. She took it and sauteed
it lighty, then added onions, a dash of MSE and chicken salt, she
then immersed it in gelatine and left it to set. Satisfied she
mumbled to herself 'listen to simons speech!' But suddenly the well
prepared magellan nebula turned into a magic pen. Mona Lisa shouted:
'Why do you always eat my fucking hair I've lost in the bathtub?' -
Silence reigned. A pin dropped. Nobody cared.
Dumbo was once in the midst of
nothingness when he found a soup ladle. He did not hesitate and
turned it into an octaeder screaming: 'Aaaaaaargh!' But suddenly the
ladle turned into a boomerang. Dumbo shouted: 'where the fuck is my
nose gone?' As a consequence he painted his naked body and hugged
random people on the street.
Chuck Norris met Tolstoi and said 'This is awkward'. Tolstoi replied 'Weltherrschaft in 3 Tagen ist machbar!' Chuck asked Lev 'Excuse me but are you aware of the fact that there's a shaved monkey sitting on your shoulder?' to which Lev replied 'Only if you do it first and let me off if I think you look stupid'. At this an onlooker remarked 'Are you sure that's the right way?' to which Chuck and Lev shouted together 'USA! USA!'. The whole time a crowd had been gathering around the scene. Sensing a sensation some passing paparazzi paused to photograph the possible phenomenon. The crowd greatly disapproved of this and beat them with their cameras.
The Cheshire cat from wonderland met Matlock and remarked 'there are too few little girls in this place' to which Matlock replied 'Buzz Buzz Buzz! I feel like a bee do I look like a bee? I have a strong desire for some pollen'. They then ate the whole plate of cookies that was on the table without knowing they were made from weed. Afterwards they sat on the dock of the bay the whole night waiting for a shooting star.
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Master Splinter met the Pope's assistant behind Macdonald's. Splinter said 'My dear, you must know I am only here to help you today' to which the Popes assistant replied 'Maybe that's a good idea'. 'Did you think any time about the future?' asked the Pope's assistant to which Splinter remarked 'Really the only way to achieve this is to start eating a lot of honey RIGHT NOW!' The air started to sizzle and sparkle, for a brief moment a gay Minotaur amongst them. Later they agreed; it must have been something else.
Peter Pan, Marie Curie and a topless, guitarless Slash all bumped into one another. Peter Pan said 'Go, try your luck in this box!' to which Slash replied 'That's a little bit ridiculous' and Marie Curie said 'You two sound like you'd rather be somewhere else'. Enraged (and somewhat confused) Peter Pan yelled 'I am your father!' which caused Slash and Marie Curie to burst into song: 'It's the final Countdown!' Slash then asked 'What if we never get out of here?' and Peter replied 'Why certainly, I live to serve'. 'I wish I had a gun' thought Marie Curie to herself. For a minute they kept staring at each other in fear. When it suddenly started to rain the were reminded of their tears that one September evening in 1963 and, without a word, they shared a last deep look and walked away.
Gene Simmons from Kiss was alone with a large, green and purple, glowing moulded rubber vibrating fist. He said 'Shit! I should buy the plastic one! This one gets dirty really easily.' With a quiet 'plop' the fist turned into a rubber ducky, and Gene put it on his head jumping around alike crazy, thinking 'There's no-one to blame but me, myself and I!' Shortly afterwards his head split open as a giant spider hatched out of his brain.
A psychiatrist with red hair met Zinedine Zidane and said 'fuck me in the are with a massive rubber fist, I knew this would happen!' Zinedine replied 'I trust you, but I'm not sure about how much of this substance we should take'. The psychiatrist asked 'Would you lie on me for a bit?' and Zidane replied 'There is no way past it. You Must surrender and let it come over you'. At that very moment a three-legged, newly-neutered dog with one of those lamp-shade like things so it doesn't lick itself appeared, and a tree fell shattering the awkward silence.
Marilyn Monroe met Mother Theresa at Karstadt on the 2nd February 1325. Marilyn said 'There is a peanut sitting on your hat' and Mother Theresa said 'I was about to mention something similar. At this point a voice format he sky boomed 'It's me or the dog!' Marilyn and Theresa yelled back in unison 'We're not gonna take it! No, we're not gonna take it! Marilyn whispered 'What if you…' and trailed off, causing Mother Theresa to remark 'that wasn't very creative'. Later, they all went to Shangl, had pizza, and later made out.
A half-headed Unicorn was with a flamenco dancer from madrid who has no name but they call her 'Dancio', under a king-sized bed in a hotel in Paris. 'Why can't I have a candy' asked the Unicorn. 'Absolutely! Especially when the lights are off' replied Dancio. 'Such a pretty mouth' thought the Unicorn to himself. Dancio asked 'have you seen the size of that thing!?' and the Unicorn replied 'that is not even worth an answer', causing Dancio to think to herself 'yes! That is exactly what I was hoping for!' A heavy rainstorm 40 miles away caused the river to burst its banks, washing away any trace of anything that might or might not have happened.
Dorothy (the one from Oz) was waiting at a small subway station in the desert. Chelsea Manning appeared and said 'I just don't give a fuck!' to which Dorothy said 'Badda Bing Badda Boom', then asked 'To where does this lead?' Chelsea replied 'not as long as I get my lollipop back'. Dorothy thought to herself 'Oh my god, shits about to depart and we are still full'. Together they shouted 'Everyone lie done and nobody gets hurt!' then hijacked the next car and drove to find the last surviving zebra in the mountains of Zimbabwe.
DJ Blizzard, with a head full of coke, met that drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket in the toilets of Berghain. 'Seit 15 Jahren psychotherapiere ich jetzt Katzen. Gestern habe ich mir 2 Mäuse angeschafft.' (Since 15 years I have been psychoanalysing cats. Yesterday I bought 2 mice) blabbed DJ Blizzard, to which the drill sergeant retorted 'Yeah, light my fire baby! How did it get up your arse?' 'Shit! I forgot to take out the Laundry!' replied the confused turntablist. 'You really don't get it, do you?' thought the drill sergeant to himself, then they shouted together 'Es lebe das Prekariat!' (Long live the precarity!) Then a bell rang, a curtain opened and a little dog appeared, sat down next to them and sniffed their shoes then decided to pee on the drill sergeant's legs.
Mathilde bumped in to Frankenstein's monster in the Peterdome right after they had both taken a huge shit. 'I want you to want me' she exclaimed. 'Imagine there is no fantasy' the monster replied, darkly. 'Can you rub my tummy with this coconut oil?' persisted Mathilde, causing the droll monster to state 'only if the pope does'. 'I'm gonna spend the night alone' a resigned Mathilde thought to herself, while thought the monster 'I'd rather have gone to Mars'. They sat down on a rock and stared at the endless sea, and for the very first time in their lives they became aware of the fact that their lives one day will almost be perfect.
Isaac Newton met Claude Monet at McFit and said 'weird… up is down, and right seems to be left… and… (sigh)' and Monet exclaimed 'Woah, what is that!? Can you do that thing again, that you do so well?' 'You sound just like your mother' said the scientist to the painter, who thought to himself 'I wonder how long until that fart is smelly?'. Together they shouted 'The bus is going in the wrong direction!' and half an hour later the police came. They started to run - but it was too late.
Marlon Brando was at a police station in Poland where he encountered Hello Kitty. 'I got the good lord on my side!' he exclaimed.
'I can not blame you! When will everyone just give me what I need just because I'm a nice person?' asked Kitty. 'Sollen wir nicht lieber ein anderes Gesprächsthema wählen?' (Shouldn't we talk about something else?') replied Mr Brando.
'Fuck off, I can't write and draw at the same time' thought Kitty to herself, when together they suddenly yelled 'Dove soon le mie cigarette?!' (Where are my cigarettes!). Then all of the kangaroos died, suddenly.
Space Biatch met Bill Clinton in the zoo, at the beginning of the thing, and immediately asked 'Why I always have to wait for ya?'. The seemingly distracted former president muttered 'The life of the wife is ended by the knife', to which the startled Space Biatch exclaimed 'Why you think like that?!'
'I have no clue!' said Bill.
'I wonder why he never asks me out' thought Space Biatch to herself.
'Aaahhhh. Sooo good. Finally I can eat my cake' mused Mr Clinton.
And what happened next?
Nothing but trouble…
Beethoven and Miley Cyrus met at the Finanzamt. Ludwig exclaimed 'Hurra Hurra, die Schule brennt. Ich fühle mich so frrrei!' (Hurra hurra the school is burning! I feel so frrrree!) Miss Cyrus said 'I'll give you $500 if you crawl down the street like a dog. Where are you going to?!' 'Not if I sneak up from behind!!!' replied the maestro and the twerker thought to herself 'Ich brauche es wenn wir Maschine wollen!' (I need it if we want to machine![?]) 'Free Willie!' they ejaculated together, then appeared to kill themselves, but in the end it turns out they are competing at 'Lumber Games' in Canada.
Alexander the Great was in the bar where he met that gorgeous smile I saw in the lift two days ago. I was too shy to talk to her so I don't know her name. [We'll call her smiley] His opening line was 'let's have dirty sex now!' causing Smiley to coyishly remark 'Damn, it's hot in here! Why are you looking at me like that?'
'I think I lost consciousness…' muttered Alex and Smiley thought to herself 'That dirty bastard!'. Together they shouted 'Wir sollten nie eine Familie gründen!' (We should never start a family!) as the animals escaped from the zoos and took over the world.
Lolita met Professor Pussy Inspector in the garden next to the grill, 'Zur blauen Stunde (abend dämmerung)' (The blue hour (evening dusk)).
'I am so up for this!' she said.
'Let's get down on it!' he said.
'Can you touch me more down?' She asked.
'Whoop Whoop!' he replied.
'I need a beer' she thought, while he mused 'in that shiiiit we trust!'
They kissed each other and lived happily ever after.
Hugh Jackman met Chuck D at an orgy and said 'I want salvation!' The rapper said 'We seem to be in serious trouble. Any other requests?' 'There is no doubt' replied Wolverine as Chuck thought 'I hate games'.
'Fuck the world!' they shouted together.
That is the reason I never say hello to anybody. Fuck!
Dumbo the Elephant met Ren (from Ren and Stimpy) in the early afternoon by the bins behind McDonald's. 'Ich nehme zwei, und du?' (I'll take 2, and you?) said the elephant. 'Einen Martini' said the chihuahua. 'So who did you vote for?' asked the pachyderm, to which the canine replied 'Stop asking questions, ok!' They both thought 'Why not'. Was soll schon passiert sein? Das gute alte Rein-Raus-Spiel fing an! (the good old in-and-out-game started!)
George Michael met me in Imren (kebab shop) and said 'Woah I'd LOVE me some of that!' I said 'No flowers. I can't see any flowers. What a horrible place… but why not baseball?' 'Can you give me an ox?' said george. I thought to myself 'I still have to buy butter and tomatoes' then we shouted 'Oh Papa' together and both ran until we died.
The Queen of England (the Lizard one) met Manuel, a mexican immigrant in Belarus who is very cold and miserable, on the cruiseship on New Year's Eve 2525. Liz said 'I can believe nothing that you say' to Manuel, who replied 'Hell No!' 'When did you get here, by the way?' asked the Queen. 'Ach du Grüne Neune!' (Oh my God!) replied the Mexican. 'People are strange' thought Liz. 'I want to stick my finger in your eyes!' thought Manuel. Then they went to Shangl and complained about the beer which they thought was too thin. But after drinking up two bottles of Russian Standard they donated €500.
Elizabeth (the Queen) and Spongebob met 'auf Wolke 7' (on cloud 9) right after they both crashed into the neighbour's flat. 'Puh, das stinkt!' exclaimed Liz, to which Spongebob replied 'Go fuck yourself! Die you pig!' 'Why did you say that, huh?!' asked she. 'Yes! As deep as possible!' replied he. 'Maybe they wont notice it…' she mused as he thought 'does he really need it like that?', then pulled down his pants and screamed 'Call me sugar, baby!'
Nena and Edison were together in a car right before they jumped. 'What a mess you've made' said she, and he said 'I always wanted to jump!' She asked 'why are you so beautiful' and Edison responded 'Trust me, I know exactly what to do'.
Nena thought 'Fuck that's too much!'
Thomas though 'Why the fuck did I forget my watch?!'
What happened next?
You mean you didn't hear about it?
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Helge
Schneider encountered the Neighbour in the dormitory right after they
had eaten the magic mushrooms. 'Ma va fanculo' said Helge; 'Wawh! Let's
do it man, I love it!' replied the neighbour. 'Do you you wanna go to
the moon with me?' asked Herr Schneider, causing the neighbour to state
'I don't like the smell of fish'. 'Damn' these pinching pants' thought
Helge to himself, while the neighbour pondered 'I love this warm air - I
think I wont leave - I just wanna stay here forever'. Just then Helge
Schneider's head exploded and the neighbour couldn't help but laugh.
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# # #
Luise (Bauerntochter): Sometimes I wish I'd never met you. You have brought me nothing but misery with every encounter.
Messi (sad after the 4:0 against Bayern): Hello, my second name is Alf.
She sat down but he wouldn't bother. A few minutes later, she had already produced a massive pile
# # #
Uli
Hoeneß: I made a mistake, yes I did,, yes I did!
Anton
(Friseur, arbeitslos): But of course! Why else would I be here with
this?
Sun set.
Die zwei Gestalten begannen, aneinander zu riechen, während dessen
kackte ein Vogel dem einen auf den Kopf.
# # #
Edward
Scissorhands: Verrückte Welt, wa? Warum sind in letzter Zeit alle
Telefonate so komisch?
This lady
with her favorite clothes: Never, in all my life have I been so
aroused and sickened simultaneously.
Suddenly,
gravity got out of sync. The hot, steamy lava, came to a halt, took a
deep breath and started crawling up the volcano again. The trees
sighed with relief.
# # #
Madame
Pompadour (eating a 1,50 Euro Döner): Fuck off! I am much prettier!
Alex
Branhöfe (celebrity chef): Where will I find a cat now? It's almost
2 am!
Sie ging
an Bord des Flugzeugs, bestellte sich einen Whiskey, spülte damit
ihre Schmerztabletten herunter und schlief ein.
# # #
Julius
Cäsar: My name is Robert! Robert and that's all! Call me Robert!
Paul
Newname: She had such a great ass and she told me about how the Tour
de France was an epic antique tale.
This
beautiful scene took part during a family get-together just right
before his mum farted.
# # #
Wong
Kar-Wai: You are so boring... just do something crazy once.
Klaus
Kinski (auf seiner Jesus-Tour): It's been too much for a long time.
That
one day she called him: „Tiger“ and they both stood at the
stairs, looking at each other. Shining stars.
# # #
An
angel: That chair looks funny, huh?
Mr. T.
(now a muslim who made a vow of silence): I think this is not true.
I'm feeling bad.
Happy
Ending.
# # #
Frankenstein:
Charmant ist die kleine Schwester von Scheiße.
Die
Großmutter von Dante: I don't care. I want candy! Give me candy!
They were
all happy with it.
# # #
Eduardo
Denti: The children! Think about the children!
Robocop: A
pint of Jägermeister please!
It was
jazz, it was the beat of the heart, it was there and wow! And wham!
Jaaaazz
# # #
Pierre
(14, Klosterschüler): Haha, how did you manage to do that?
Old Man
(nackt am Strand): That really is an awfully nice thing to say, boss.
But how on earth do I get pass you?
Indeed,
what did happen? Shall we say that they understood or not? Let's not
even say... Shhhh...
# # #
Peter
(a Jehova's witness from liverpool with a penchant for pakistani
boys): Ich mag Bratwurst mit Senf.
Albert
Einstein: I hope you're not suggesting what I think you're
suggesting...
Thus,
they both decided that, in fact, it would have been too intricate to
continue loving each other while having completely opposed political
ideologies.
# # #
Hillary
Clinton: Mein Stuhl kam gestern verspätet. Er war hart und
ungemütlich. Trotz allem schlief ich selig.
Saddam's
and Osama's naked, butt fucking ghosts: No! It's my toy car!
The
band arrived. That settled the matter for her.
# # #
Frau
Klemmtaufel (Sachbearbeiterin im Jobcenter): Crazy shit, huh?
Terminator:
Ich werde die unter die Erde bringen... Warum sagst du so was... Ich
weine vor Schmerzen. Arschloch!
Ein
knall – das Klirren, alle drehten ihre Köpfe und wussten bereits,
was er getan hatte... Das gute Bier war dahin. Er nahm seine Jacke,
setzte den Hut auf, drehte sich nach kurz um – und hüpfte so
schnell er konnte hinfort.
# # #
The white
rabbit: It's so fluffy! I'm gonna die!
Goldfinger
(from 007): I'm so tired of your monologues. Why don't you fuck off
to Ireland?
Adorno
setzte sich ans Klavier und spielte „Alle meine Entchen“. Sie
waren von der Performance sehr gerührt. Diese Nacht saßen sie noch
lange auf dem Balkon und diskutierten über Pawlow und seinen Hund.
# # #
Der
trauernde Papst Ratzinger: Don't expect me to ever forgve you. You
said you were a blonde.
Pedro (aus
Barcelona, in der Fußgängerzone mit Kettensäge, Samurai-Schwert
und Flammenwerfer jonglierend): What a nice pullover. It smells so
interesting.
Eine
Hundertschaft Bullen kam irgend vorbei, sie aßen Döner und waren so
zufrieden, dass sie zum Columbiadamm, Abschnitt 5 zurückkehrten.
# # #
Lilly
(prostitute with adegree): Gestern noch hatte ich Haus, Familie und
Geld.
That
guy, (you know, you've seen him, he's always hanging around that
place with the thing, where the people go to do stuff and he's always
wearing those clothes and has that dog with him): Yesterday I came to
the book shop, but it was all empty. People came and suddenly decided
to buy all of it.
But he
didn't convince her without remembering the fact that we are, at the
end, all attracted to what tastes good.
# # #
Crudelia
Demon: It's always the same! Dr. Dre will never release his album!
Charles
Bukowski: Wir können aber
auch nach draußen gehen, wenn du willst. Da ist es schön.
It was
rainy. They could see nobody around in the fog. They walked for some
time this way. They understood too late the fog was a shapeless enemy
that swallowed anything. They died in terrible pain. Moral: „Man
is a fallen god that looks to the sky“
# # #
Piotr
(32, drunk but jolly, great haircut): I'm feeling fat
Socrates:
Hast du zugenommen?
They
stared into the light of the explosion and the slight feeling of
regret came over them.
# # #
Jesus
Christ: I really don't know what the fuck we're doing here. You
should have killed yourself years ago.
The
hairy man: I'll give a penny for that.
The
walls kept closing in. She took his hand, but she shuddered. Then they
jumped. To the universe's disappointment, nothing happened.
# # #
Margaret
Thatcher: While it is true that down is down, sometimes up can seem
to be down.
Eva Braun:
Life with no love is shit.
The pope
walked past and a gust of wind blew his smock above his head,
displaying his blood and sperm stained underwear to everyone.
# # #
Heidi: But
I've never commited a crime before. Are you sure anal sex is a
solution?
The
incredible Mr. Fucks: What the hell do you mean? Of course it's not a
solution!
They were
hanging on a tree for three days and shook hands before they died.
STOP NO... jump in a lake and eat icecream - ?
# # #
Alf
(eating a cat): I love your glasses. They make you look like a
pre-evolutionary life-form. Funny, huh?
King Louis
14th (from jungle book): Give it to me, give it to me...
Passion is what you want!
Der
Weltsozialismus etabliert sich.
# # #
Helga: War
nicht früher alles besser?
Dani: Ach
nö!
The sun
set with a dramatic sigh. She hadn't been prepared for human
interference. She decided to explode to make her point.
# # #
Luiggi:
I remember you. Motherfucker.
That
dude in the corner of the pool: Not at all.
In der
Morgensonne frittierten sie sich einen saftigen Marsriegel auf dem
Eckbalkon. Oma lugte noch kurz um die Ecke und dachte sich: „So
soll es sein!“
# # #
The
butchers daughter: See you next time in Shangl oder?
Ein
Chatpartner bei Chat-Roulette: Well initially yes, but later no.
Three days
later, she actually opened the letter. News were not good. But at the
funeral she shone. 'Pushing daisies' she thought getting drunk on
cheap wine.
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