Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Dystopic Express #10

Exquisite corpse:







Scenarios (text consequences):
(I wrote them out like little scenes this time...)

Chuck Norris met Tolstoi and said 'This is awkward'. Tolstoi replied 'Weltherrschaft in 3 taggen ist machbar!' (World domination in 3 days is doable!). Chuck asked Lev 'Excuse me but are you ware of the fact that there's a shaved monkey sitting on your shoulder?' to which Lev replied 'Only if you do it first and let me off if I think you look stupid'. At this an onlooker remarked 'Are you sure that's the right way?' to which Chuck and Lev shouted together 'USA! USA!'. The whole time a crowd had been gathering around the scene. Sensing a sensation some passing paparazzi paused to photograph the possible phenomenon. The crowd greatly disapproved of this and beat them with their cameras.


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The Cheshire cat from wonderland met Matlock and remarked 'there are too few little girls in this place' to which Matlock replied 'Buzz Buzz Buzz I feel like a bee do I look like a bee? I have a strong desire for some pollen'. They then ate the whole plate of cookies that was on the table without knowing they were made from weed. Afterwards they sat on the dock of the bay the whole night waiting for a shooting star.


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Master Splinter met the Pope's assistant behind Macdonald's. Splinter said 'My dear, you must know I am only here to help you today' to which the Popes assistant replied 'Maybe that's a good idea'. 'Did you think any time about the future?' asked the Pope's assistant to which Splinter remarked 'Really the only way to achieve this is to start eating a lot of honey RIGHT NOW!' The air started to sizzle and sparkle, for a brief moment a gay Minotaur amongst them. Later they agreed; it must have been something else.


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Peter Pan, Marie Curie and a topless, guitarless Slash all bumped into one another. Peter Pan said 'Go, try your luck in this box!' to which Slash replied 'That's a little bit ridiculous' and Marie Curie said 'You two sound like you'd rather be somewhere else'. Enraged (and somewhat confused) Peter Pan yelled 'I am your father!' which caused Slash and Marie Curie to burst into song: 'It's the final Countdown!' Slash then asked 'What if we never get out of here?' and Peter replied 'Why certainly, I live to serve'. 'I wish I had a gun' thought Marie Curie to herself. For a minute they kept staring at each other in fear. When it suddenly started to rain the were reminded of their tears that one September evening in 1963 and, without a word, they shared a last deep look and walked away.

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Gene Simmons from Kiss was alone with a large, green and purple, glowing moulded rubber vibrating fist. He said 'Shit! I should buy the plastic one! This one gets dirty really easily.' With a quiet 'plop' the fist turned into a rubber ducky, and Gene put it on his head jumping around alike crazy, thinking 'There's no-one to blame but me, myself and I!' Shortly afterwards his head split open as a giant spider hatched out of his brain.

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A psychiatrist with red hair met Zinedine Zidane and said 'fuck me in the are with a massive rubber fist, I knew this would happen!' Zinedine replied 'I trust you, but I'm not sure about how much of this substance we should take'. The psychiatrist asked 'Would you lie on me for a bit?' and Zidane replied 'There is no way past it. You Must surrender and let it come over you'. At that very moment a three-legged, newly-neutered dog with one of those lamp-shade like things so it doesn't lick itself appeared, and a tree fell shattering the awkward silence.


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Marilyn Monroe met Mother Theresa at Karstadt on the 2nd February 1325. Marilyn said 'There is a peanut sitting on your hat' and Mother Theresa said 'I was about to mention something similar. At this point a voice format he sky boomed 'It's me or the dog!' Marilyn and Theresa yelled back in unison 'We're not gonna take it! No, we're not gonna take it! Marilyn whispered 'What if you…' and trailed off, causing Mother Theresa to remark 'that wasn't very creative'. Later, they all went to Shangl, had pizza, and later made out.


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A half-headed Unicorn was with a flamenco dancer from madrid who has no name but they call her 'Dancio', under a king-sized bed in a hotel in Paris. 'Why can't I have a candy' asked the Unicorn. 'Absolutely! Especially when the lights are off' replied Dancio. 'Such a pretty mouth' thought the Unicorn to himself. Dancio asked 'have you seen the size of that thing!?' and the Unicorn replied 'that is not even worth an answer', causing Dancio to think to herself 'yes! That is exactly what I was hoping for!' A heavy rainstorm 40 miles away caused the river to burst its banks, washing away any trace of anything that might or might not have happened.


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